Our Uncle Ken is gone. The funeral, yesterday, was beautiful. I had never attended a funeral where "Full Military Honors" were presented.
42 years ago as a girl scout we sang the words to "Taps" at the end of each meeting. One of my favorite ways to start each day is with the thought that "This is the day that God has made. Let us rejoice and be glad". The words to Taps has always seemed to "bookend" with this as a way to recognize that each day is a gift.Taps has always stirred my heart, but never as much as it did at this moment.
After the mass, seven young U.S. Airforce men and women stood at attention, the flag was folded, there was a gun salute, taps was played on a single bugle, the flag was presented to Aunt Libby, then they presented her with the spent shells. It was a lovely, well deserved honor.
I stood across the casket from my husband, and son. As the bugler played Taps I looked across the casket and could see my emotions reflected in their tear streaked faces. My prayer was one of gratitude for Uncle Ken having been, having been a part of our lives, and for his having been a role model for the other men in my life. I pray that he is now with Our Father. I trust that he is now with Our Father.
After any funeral, the gathering that follows is something I kind of dread, but need. Uncle Ken and Aunt Libby have lived full, faith filled, gratious lives. The gathering was exceptionally full of the generous loving hearts they have surrounded themselves with over their lives. People who have never met greeted each other with hugs, and generosity of love and spirit. Family drew even closer, it is a real "circle of family". While filled with grief, this family still rejoiced in the fact they are family. Friends rejoiced in having known Ken and in knowing Libby. Their friends rejoiced in meeting or re-meeting each other. Connections were made and made closer.
Uncle Ken was a funny man. He was smart and witty. The stories told and repeated brought laughter. As we looked around the room we could see his eyes, or his nose, or his jaw, or brow line in every Figeroid face. Uncle Ken's friends came up to my husband to tell him how much he looks like his uncle. His daughter, Lisa, spoke of having one of those moments, of glancing over at David in his car, and thinking for just that instant that it was her father. ...and it is ...just a bit of her father. Uncle Ken is one of the men that helped sculpt who my husband is. ...and who my son is. I can't tell her this right now, but I will, later.
I watch Uncle Ken's children, the cousins. I know the grief. I know that feeling of being glad to be with friends and family, but really just getting through the day. I remember that surreal blur of emotion that you can only let out a little at a time, because if you ever let it all out at once you would be lost in it forever. Margaret, the oldest daughter, grief etched in her face, holding it together, seeming to be deep in thoughts of what the day means in her life, in her mom's life. A hug seemed so insufficient. I spoke with the lovely vocalist who sang, and the harpist who played. They are friends of Cousin Ken. Their presence a gift to him and his father. Later in the day Cousin Ken read parts of the play that he has written. His talent shining out, his sense of humor in full view. I thought to myself, he is funny and witty like his dad. I didn't tell him that then, I will, later.
The gathering is hard to end. We didn't want to leave Aunt Libby. We wanted somehow to try to fill that un-fillable hole. She sent food home with us. Taking care of us. They had been married over 50 years. I try not to feel that grief, just the idea of it is more than I can bear. She is one of my favorite people in the entire world. I don't think she knows that. I didn't tell her then, I will, later.
At the end of the day, I came home with my husband. His sister and my nieces live out of town, they came back to the house with us. We talked for a while and I fell asleep on the couch. Today I got up and went to work. My sister-in-law and nieces flew home. My husband worked on the political campaign that occupies his days right now. Life goes on. But, it will never be the same. It cannot be. It should not be. I didn't know when I typed it, but I think that is what the title to this blog means. The important people in our lives, the ones whose lives really mean something to us, to others, deserve that. They deserve our recognition that their presence changed our lives in an irrevocable way and that the loss of that presence changes it as well. Our grief is an honor, the fact they were a part of our lives, a gift, Both of these things a reason for gratitude. We owe it to them to take what lessons they have taught us and to "step it up". Allow it to become closer to the surface of who we are. To take as much of their goodness as we can and carry it with us. Full Honor. ...and always gratitude.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Full Life
Recently someone commented that very often when I take part in a conversation I have knowledge of the subject because of something my husband has done. I put some thought into this and realized she is right.
Much of what I know I have learned just by living with my husband.
My husband lives, has lived the fullest life of anyone I know.
As a child his dad was a high ranking officer in the Army, his sister is a high ranking Navy nurse, and uncles were in the military. My husband knows quite a bit about the military. My husband worked for 30 years in law enforcement, he knows about that. While I was an "at home mom" learning everything I could about raising healthy, happy children, he was working over 80 hours a week. Some of that was extra law enforcement work (Off Duty work). But much of it was other stuff.
Many weekends he worked with a friend who was a licensed contractor and did roofing. He poured concrete, he built room additions, designed landscapes, and built fences. He did this for extra money and for friends and family. When someone he cared about was diagnosed with leukemia he started a wine tasting and a softball tournament to raise money for the Leukemia Foundation. He ran these for several years. Our local Make-a-Wish foundation still runs the wine tasting though I doubt they even know who started it all those years ago. The Leukemia Foundation has an office in Sacramento because of my husband and his friend's efforts all those years ago.
When my husbands mother had the need we moved in with her and provided hospice care for her. He stood by the bedside of the friend he had done much of the construction work with as he died at 35 years old of cancer. He held me when my mother passed away. He knows about losing those you love.
In addition to all these things he still made time to be a great dad and husband.
He has rebuilt and repaired cars. He and a friend saw a community need in an aging neighborhood and organized to remove diseased and dying trees in our area for no cost. They removed over a hundred trees. They worked with the company that handles electricity in our area who provided free trees for replanting, and many times did the actual planting or arranged for someone else to plant them. He knows a lot about trees.
He loves wine and cigars and knows about them. He knows how to set up rental agreements as he has helped both of my kids as they became adults. He, personally, does our taxes each year. He is active in the community and is working on our area becoming its own city in order to give our community more say in zoning and law enforcement issues. He is learning about politics. He is king of the barbeque grill.
Most evenings a group of neighborhood men will gather in our back yard. They sit and chat about mutual interests, the neighborhood, life, and share a few beers. He knows how to be a good friend and has a huge number of friends who respect and care about him. He helps a homeless, mentally and now physically ill, lady that lives in a van in a nearby business parking lot. He has helped her for many years and, as she is now suffering a terminal illness, is the one she trusts to handle her last requests and burial.
He has done "heavy lifting" for just about everyone we know at one time or another. I do not know everything he knows, but thanks to him I do know a little bit about all of these things.
My husband is not a college graduate, but knows more about the most important and necessary things in life than anyone else I know. He is not a "jack of all trades", rather he is a master of many.
How much have I learned from my husband? More than I ever realized.
I go through life feeling pretty grateful. Looking at this I think he makes this a pretty easy thing to do.
He has made my life full.
Much of what I know I have learned just by living with my husband.
My husband lives, has lived the fullest life of anyone I know.
As a child his dad was a high ranking officer in the Army, his sister is a high ranking Navy nurse, and uncles were in the military. My husband knows quite a bit about the military. My husband worked for 30 years in law enforcement, he knows about that. While I was an "at home mom" learning everything I could about raising healthy, happy children, he was working over 80 hours a week. Some of that was extra law enforcement work (Off Duty work). But much of it was other stuff.
Many weekends he worked with a friend who was a licensed contractor and did roofing. He poured concrete, he built room additions, designed landscapes, and built fences. He did this for extra money and for friends and family. When someone he cared about was diagnosed with leukemia he started a wine tasting and a softball tournament to raise money for the Leukemia Foundation. He ran these for several years. Our local Make-a-Wish foundation still runs the wine tasting though I doubt they even know who started it all those years ago. The Leukemia Foundation has an office in Sacramento because of my husband and his friend's efforts all those years ago.
When my husbands mother had the need we moved in with her and provided hospice care for her. He stood by the bedside of the friend he had done much of the construction work with as he died at 35 years old of cancer. He held me when my mother passed away. He knows about losing those you love.
In addition to all these things he still made time to be a great dad and husband.
He has rebuilt and repaired cars. He and a friend saw a community need in an aging neighborhood and organized to remove diseased and dying trees in our area for no cost. They removed over a hundred trees. They worked with the company that handles electricity in our area who provided free trees for replanting, and many times did the actual planting or arranged for someone else to plant them. He knows a lot about trees.
He loves wine and cigars and knows about them. He knows how to set up rental agreements as he has helped both of my kids as they became adults. He, personally, does our taxes each year. He is active in the community and is working on our area becoming its own city in order to give our community more say in zoning and law enforcement issues. He is learning about politics. He is king of the barbeque grill.
Most evenings a group of neighborhood men will gather in our back yard. They sit and chat about mutual interests, the neighborhood, life, and share a few beers. He knows how to be a good friend and has a huge number of friends who respect and care about him. He helps a homeless, mentally and now physically ill, lady that lives in a van in a nearby business parking lot. He has helped her for many years and, as she is now suffering a terminal illness, is the one she trusts to handle her last requests and burial.
He has done "heavy lifting" for just about everyone we know at one time or another. I do not know everything he knows, but thanks to him I do know a little bit about all of these things.
My husband is not a college graduate, but knows more about the most important and necessary things in life than anyone else I know. He is not a "jack of all trades", rather he is a master of many.
How much have I learned from my husband? More than I ever realized.
I go through life feeling pretty grateful. Looking at this I think he makes this a pretty easy thing to do.
He has made my life full.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Customer Service
I work at the library and most of what I do I can link directly to customer service. Whether it is working at the service desk, working checking in books, or even just ordering office supplies...ultimately it all leads back to customer service. I love working on the service desk. We get to interact with great people who might ask us questions that stretch our knowledge. We exchange a few words with book lovers, help people with account issues, and reward kids for summer reading. I love it all, even the occasional challenge of an angry or confused person.
When I have to deal with issues in my own life I always start out assuming that the customer service people I am dealing with think like I do....that is, lets see if I can give them what they want, if not then can we reach another satisfactory solution.
Every now and then I am a bit disappointed, but not that often. Every once in a while I run across service that reminds me how much demeanor matters. Sometimes this is in a positive way, sometimes not..
Today I had such a nice positive experience that it actually made me want to run to the service desk and "pass on" the good will. This is saying quite a bit as it is my day off.
... I won't go into complete detail here as it relates to my ordering my undies on line. I will say that I have ordered from Maidenform for the last 4 years as much because of their great service, as for their great products. Over the weekend they had a fabulous sale (ending Sunday) and I could not order on line as I had some computer glitches when I tried to do so. I called their customer service number which stated they were closed till Monday, but they did have a message recorder. I left a message but, assumed that I would be calling them back today or ordering at full price, or both. At 9AM the phone rang. The same customer service representative that had helped me over 3 years ago was on the line and we worked it out. She could not do it the way I had originally hoped, but we were able to work it out. I was given free shipping and a sale price. More important than the price was the courtesy that I received from Ebony (the customer service rep). She went out of her way to be courteous and willing to find a mutually agreeable solution. Her demeanor was just what I want to portray on my job. She was friendly and willing to try her best to find a way to solve my problem. The way she expressed her willingness to help, the way she projected that she wanted to help find a resolution was perfect. If we could bottle it we could make a million!
What I think I sensed in Ebony was an extension of Christian service. She wants to help people. I bet she goes through her days doing service in small and large ways for all those around her. It was the genuine sincerity of her demeanor that made our exchange so impressive.
Okay, so it was just undies.
I have a couple of other people in my life that impress me that way. I want to be like them. I want to go through my day thinking of just being a service to others, not for me, for them. I fall so short on this. So often when I am in the "right frame of mind" I fall out of it by letting my brain slip into self satisfaction. The problem is that as soon as I think that service was well received, I think "good, I did well on that one"....and it is all over. It becomes about me again. It is better when I never know the outcome. Then I can just do it and let it go.
Someone once told me that complete humility is impossible because if you "think I have reached it" then you have already lost it. I think perhaps selfless service is the same.
So... I will continue to try to do what I know is right, and continue to try to do what I think is right, and I will continue to fall short most of the time. I will try to forgive my shortfalls when I fail on either or both. I will pray for His will to be done. I will continue to try to always appreciate role models and those who do His work.
I think the best I can do is to be open to just loving everyone I come in contact with, to give what I can when I can. So, my prayers will be ...Show me when I fail and show me how to be of service. ...And thank you today for the contact with Ebony.
When I have to deal with issues in my own life I always start out assuming that the customer service people I am dealing with think like I do....that is, lets see if I can give them what they want, if not then can we reach another satisfactory solution.
Every now and then I am a bit disappointed, but not that often. Every once in a while I run across service that reminds me how much demeanor matters. Sometimes this is in a positive way, sometimes not..
Today I had such a nice positive experience that it actually made me want to run to the service desk and "pass on" the good will. This is saying quite a bit as it is my day off.
... I won't go into complete detail here as it relates to my ordering my undies on line. I will say that I have ordered from Maidenform for the last 4 years as much because of their great service, as for their great products. Over the weekend they had a fabulous sale (ending Sunday) and I could not order on line as I had some computer glitches when I tried to do so. I called their customer service number which stated they were closed till Monday, but they did have a message recorder. I left a message but, assumed that I would be calling them back today or ordering at full price, or both. At 9AM the phone rang. The same customer service representative that had helped me over 3 years ago was on the line and we worked it out. She could not do it the way I had originally hoped, but we were able to work it out. I was given free shipping and a sale price. More important than the price was the courtesy that I received from Ebony (the customer service rep). She went out of her way to be courteous and willing to find a mutually agreeable solution. Her demeanor was just what I want to portray on my job. She was friendly and willing to try her best to find a way to solve my problem. The way she expressed her willingness to help, the way she projected that she wanted to help find a resolution was perfect. If we could bottle it we could make a million!
What I think I sensed in Ebony was an extension of Christian service. She wants to help people. I bet she goes through her days doing service in small and large ways for all those around her. It was the genuine sincerity of her demeanor that made our exchange so impressive.
Okay, so it was just undies.
I have a couple of other people in my life that impress me that way. I want to be like them. I want to go through my day thinking of just being a service to others, not for me, for them. I fall so short on this. So often when I am in the "right frame of mind" I fall out of it by letting my brain slip into self satisfaction. The problem is that as soon as I think that service was well received, I think "good, I did well on that one"....and it is all over. It becomes about me again. It is better when I never know the outcome. Then I can just do it and let it go.
Someone once told me that complete humility is impossible because if you "think I have reached it" then you have already lost it. I think perhaps selfless service is the same.
So... I will continue to try to do what I know is right, and continue to try to do what I think is right, and I will continue to fall short most of the time. I will try to forgive my shortfalls when I fail on either or both. I will pray for His will to be done. I will continue to try to always appreciate role models and those who do His work.
I think the best I can do is to be open to just loving everyone I come in contact with, to give what I can when I can. So, my prayers will be ...Show me when I fail and show me how to be of service. ...And thank you today for the contact with Ebony.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Hope
Today my 20 years old daughter called with sad news. A dear friend lost his father today.
On the day of one of his sons' high school graduation, while at the graduation, he suffered a heart attack and died. He was a father, a husband, and a medical doctor.
My daughter's friend, Trevor, flew home from college, called a friend who lives in Sacramento, and got a ride home...to a home that will never be the same. I did not know his dad, I do not know his mother, or his brother but, I know him. I know he is a kind person, a goofy, fun-loving college kid, and a loyal good friend to my daughter. I know that much of the reason he is that person, the one that we respect and care about, is because of what his father gave to him. He gave him 1/2 of who he is genetically, much of who he is lovingly, and faithfully. He provided all he could educationally for his sons. They attended the best private catholic schools available.
We will do what we can for Trevor, which is painfully little.
I have to find a lesson in this. When I think of the suffering of this family and the pain they will be living with...I have to find a lesson or purpose or lose some of my faith. I do believe they will be reunited. Retaining my faith in God's promise of eternal life is not in question. Retaining the faith that this life has valuable purpose is what is shaken. What helps us maintain a feeling for purpose here...in this life?
For me...the number one thing...my children and my husband.
What I am going to do is, once again, reiterate to my children, and my husband, what meaning they bring to my life. I will remind them how much meaning and purpose they have given my life. I want them to know that when I die, I die having lived a wonderful life, full of their love, my family's love. My last thoughts will not be of any suffering or regret. My last thoughts will be of hope. With my last breath I will hope that they, and my grandchildren if there are any, will fill their lives with purpose. They they serve their family, and their friends. That they realize that the people around them matter, that serving them matters. That they keep the open hearts they have and accept the love that others offer to them. I will hope that they will strive to be the best people they can. I will hope that they develop and achieve dreams... That they learn some dreams are for the journey not for the accomplishment...That whatever they seek in life does not keep them from enjoying what they already have. This is the legacy I hope to leave...a family that understands faith, and the value of life, love, and hope.
I imagine that Trevor's dad's last thoughts were...perhaps a bittersweet pride, pain of knowing they will be separated from him for a while. But imagining his thoughts I feel just that ...hope. Hope that his family knows that they gave his life meaning. They made his life matter. Hope for their futures.
Prayers for tonight...for families everywhere...especially those separated by death. May they find and know in their hearts the meaning and purpose they bring and have brought to those who care about them.
On the day of one of his sons' high school graduation, while at the graduation, he suffered a heart attack and died. He was a father, a husband, and a medical doctor.
My daughter's friend, Trevor, flew home from college, called a friend who lives in Sacramento, and got a ride home...to a home that will never be the same. I did not know his dad, I do not know his mother, or his brother but, I know him. I know he is a kind person, a goofy, fun-loving college kid, and a loyal good friend to my daughter. I know that much of the reason he is that person, the one that we respect and care about, is because of what his father gave to him. He gave him 1/2 of who he is genetically, much of who he is lovingly, and faithfully. He provided all he could educationally for his sons. They attended the best private catholic schools available.
We will do what we can for Trevor, which is painfully little.
I have to find a lesson in this. When I think of the suffering of this family and the pain they will be living with...I have to find a lesson or purpose or lose some of my faith. I do believe they will be reunited. Retaining my faith in God's promise of eternal life is not in question. Retaining the faith that this life has valuable purpose is what is shaken. What helps us maintain a feeling for purpose here...in this life?
For me...the number one thing...my children and my husband.
What I am going to do is, once again, reiterate to my children, and my husband, what meaning they bring to my life. I will remind them how much meaning and purpose they have given my life. I want them to know that when I die, I die having lived a wonderful life, full of their love, my family's love. My last thoughts will not be of any suffering or regret. My last thoughts will be of hope. With my last breath I will hope that they, and my grandchildren if there are any, will fill their lives with purpose. They they serve their family, and their friends. That they realize that the people around them matter, that serving them matters. That they keep the open hearts they have and accept the love that others offer to them. I will hope that they will strive to be the best people they can. I will hope that they develop and achieve dreams... That they learn some dreams are for the journey not for the accomplishment...That whatever they seek in life does not keep them from enjoying what they already have. This is the legacy I hope to leave...a family that understands faith, and the value of life, love, and hope.
I imagine that Trevor's dad's last thoughts were...perhaps a bittersweet pride, pain of knowing they will be separated from him for a while. But imagining his thoughts I feel just that ...hope. Hope that his family knows that they gave his life meaning. They made his life matter. Hope for their futures.
Prayers for tonight...for families everywhere...especially those separated by death. May they find and know in their hearts the meaning and purpose they bring and have brought to those who care about them.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Making New Friends
Last night I had so much fun!
A friend I was blessed with meeting through my work recently invited my husband and myself into her circle of friends. Last night some of those friends, one of the most gracious families I have ever met, opened their home for a potluck dinner party to celebrate the birthdays of two friends. My husband and I attended and had such a nice time there.
I have never met a group so open, caring, and generous hearted as this group.
First I met the women
This group of women that I now have been lucky enough to become a part of, get together on a regular basis to share their lives and to just enjoy each other. It is a rare group. We are all happily married and without fail all appreciate the love our husbands give us. Some of the women are young newlyweds, some young with small children, some are grandmothers, and I fall kind of somewhere in between. I have never met a better example of what it means to be Christian. Loving, open, non-judgmental are the best terms I can come up with to describe these new friends.
These women are smart, funny, and the most unpretentious lot I have ever met.
I do not attend the church that most of them attend and yet on Sunday's after church I will often meet up with a couple of the families at a fast food restaurant to spend an hour breaking bread with them. I watch their children play happily and enjoy... and appreciate the good active parenting they exemplify. It gives you the kind of peace that is never boring.
Just knowing people like this exist in the world makes it a better place to be. In addition to being kind, these women are intelligent, and active in life.
I think I had started to be a "side line sitter" in life. If I hang out with this group this will never happen!
A great thing happened last night. My husband met the husbands of this new group of friends and he enjoyed their company very much. I am so glad to see him fit in so easily and so well. The group of men, like their wives, are just as exceptionally open and likable (lovable) as their wives. You might think these men might be "wimpy guys" as many family guys are stereotyped. They are not, these are true men, the kind that stand up for their families. There is nothing "unmanly" about them. They are the type of men all parents would want their sons to become. They are strong, kind men, and without fail good husbands.
So, back to the great time I had last night. I enjoyed conversation with my new friends, watched charming, well behaved children play together, all while the family cat sat in my lap. It just doesn't get better than this! Of course there was the addition of great food...that is always the icing on the cake!
My prayer for tonight...Just gratitude. Thankfulness for all the gifts placed before me!
A friend I was blessed with meeting through my work recently invited my husband and myself into her circle of friends. Last night some of those friends, one of the most gracious families I have ever met, opened their home for a potluck dinner party to celebrate the birthdays of two friends. My husband and I attended and had such a nice time there.
I have never met a group so open, caring, and generous hearted as this group.
First I met the women
This group of women that I now have been lucky enough to become a part of, get together on a regular basis to share their lives and to just enjoy each other. It is a rare group. We are all happily married and without fail all appreciate the love our husbands give us. Some of the women are young newlyweds, some young with small children, some are grandmothers, and I fall kind of somewhere in between. I have never met a better example of what it means to be Christian. Loving, open, non-judgmental are the best terms I can come up with to describe these new friends.
These women are smart, funny, and the most unpretentious lot I have ever met.
I do not attend the church that most of them attend and yet on Sunday's after church I will often meet up with a couple of the families at a fast food restaurant to spend an hour breaking bread with them. I watch their children play happily and enjoy... and appreciate the good active parenting they exemplify. It gives you the kind of peace that is never boring.
Just knowing people like this exist in the world makes it a better place to be. In addition to being kind, these women are intelligent, and active in life.
I think I had started to be a "side line sitter" in life. If I hang out with this group this will never happen!
A great thing happened last night. My husband met the husbands of this new group of friends and he enjoyed their company very much. I am so glad to see him fit in so easily and so well. The group of men, like their wives, are just as exceptionally open and likable (lovable) as their wives. You might think these men might be "wimpy guys" as many family guys are stereotyped. They are not, these are true men, the kind that stand up for their families. There is nothing "unmanly" about them. They are the type of men all parents would want their sons to become. They are strong, kind men, and without fail good husbands.
So, back to the great time I had last night. I enjoyed conversation with my new friends, watched charming, well behaved children play together, all while the family cat sat in my lap. It just doesn't get better than this! Of course there was the addition of great food...that is always the icing on the cake!
My prayer for tonight...Just gratitude. Thankfulness for all the gifts placed before me!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
What is in my head tonight?
Tonight I am thinking about the 40th anniversary of the Kent State shootings. I just read an article about several things that were in the FBI report that had not previously been released.
There was some evidence that the riots from the previous days and the protest that day were better planned than originally thought. It reminded us that the guards were there because of the fact the rioters had set fire to the ROTC office there. More importantly there was some information that might make one believe that there may have been reason for belief on the part of some of the guardsmen that they had been fired upon first. I am thinking about how this incident effected not just the families of those who regrettably lost their lives, but also the lives of these guardsmen. I am sure that the guardsmen were there to protect property and maintain "the peace". I doubt that any of them had any idea of what that day would become. I suspect that their families expected them to come home the same people they were when they left home that morning. I am very sure that all of them were very changed by what occurred. They were not the same people when they went home.
I am a strong believer that none of us become who we are in a vacuum. I know many of my beliefs have been shaped by the fact I am in love with and have lived with a law enforcement officer for 29 years. Our wedding anniversary is in 5 days. I worked as a communications clerk/dispatcher for the sheriff's department for close to 5 years. This gives me an insight that might be different from another persons.
When a law enforcement person is killed in the line of duty I hear people say, "he knew the risks when he took the job". While this is true, officers do know the risks, this does not make what they go through or what their families go through any different from anyone else who suffers pain or loss. We are proud to love men/women that want to protect others from harm. In some ways it may make the loss even harder.
When the bad guys shoot at an officer just because he is wearing a badge they are shooting at a guy who is just doing his job. It is honorable work. He probably has a wife, children, and a dog that love him and expect him home at the end of his shift. He is trying to put a kid through college by working an extra shift, his car is in the shop for repair, and he may need to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home. They are people. The only real difference is that they are trained and sworn to protect others even at a cost to themselves.
Most officers believe they are helping society by protecting property and lives
When an officer has to take a life to protect himself or others he is not somehow protected from the pain of having to do so. After an officer involved shooting often you will hear that an officer is on admin leave. Often it sounds like this is because they are investigating what ever it was that went on. The assumption by many is that this implies that the officer did something wrong. Admin leave is needed by these officers to help them recover from the trauma of what they had to do. Yes, the department does investigate all officer involved shootings.
The deputies are human and having to discharge their gun or being shot at still effects them the way it would anyone else. Their training helps them weigh their response and take appropriate action. It does not somehow immunize them against being human. I could go on forever about how TV shows and the media have vilified law enforcement and in doing so have hurt society. There are bad cops...just like there are bad doctors, or bad electricians. Despite what media shows, the overwhelming number of police officers, sheriff deputies, highway patrolmen are honorable people. Teaching your child to respect law enforcement is one of the best things you can do for them. If a child gets lost finding a police officer is a safe thing. If you are pulled over by the police they are pulling you over because they are worried about safety, not because they are "out to get you". A big hint here parents...they do have some power. Speaking politely to an officer is always a good idea. Also...never run from the police. They will catch you and their adrenalin will be high and they will be angry for having to chase you!You may get hurt.
Ok, that is why I called this my "ramblings".
Back to Kent State. When I was in school the image of the incident put in my head by my teachers was one of peaceful students just standing around and singing. They put daisies into gun barrels and just wanted all of us to love one another. The guardsmen were portrayed as poorly trained people who were pretty much just looking for a reason to shoot some of these beautiful, peace loving students. I was not told about the riots. I did not think about the fact these guardsmen would have to live with what happened. I wonder what happened to them. Did they, did their families survive this tragedy? How did it change them and those who loved them? Did those who knew them give them the support they deserved and needed? Not because what happened was right, but because they were human beings. Can you see how many more victims there really are to morn here?
So...that will be my prayer for tonight. May peace be with them all.
There was some evidence that the riots from the previous days and the protest that day were better planned than originally thought. It reminded us that the guards were there because of the fact the rioters had set fire to the ROTC office there. More importantly there was some information that might make one believe that there may have been reason for belief on the part of some of the guardsmen that they had been fired upon first. I am thinking about how this incident effected not just the families of those who regrettably lost their lives, but also the lives of these guardsmen. I am sure that the guardsmen were there to protect property and maintain "the peace". I doubt that any of them had any idea of what that day would become. I suspect that their families expected them to come home the same people they were when they left home that morning. I am very sure that all of them were very changed by what occurred. They were not the same people when they went home.
I am a strong believer that none of us become who we are in a vacuum. I know many of my beliefs have been shaped by the fact I am in love with and have lived with a law enforcement officer for 29 years. Our wedding anniversary is in 5 days. I worked as a communications clerk/dispatcher for the sheriff's department for close to 5 years. This gives me an insight that might be different from another persons.
When a law enforcement person is killed in the line of duty I hear people say, "he knew the risks when he took the job". While this is true, officers do know the risks, this does not make what they go through or what their families go through any different from anyone else who suffers pain or loss. We are proud to love men/women that want to protect others from harm. In some ways it may make the loss even harder.
When the bad guys shoot at an officer just because he is wearing a badge they are shooting at a guy who is just doing his job. It is honorable work. He probably has a wife, children, and a dog that love him and expect him home at the end of his shift. He is trying to put a kid through college by working an extra shift, his car is in the shop for repair, and he may need to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home. They are people. The only real difference is that they are trained and sworn to protect others even at a cost to themselves.
Most officers believe they are helping society by protecting property and lives
When an officer has to take a life to protect himself or others he is not somehow protected from the pain of having to do so. After an officer involved shooting often you will hear that an officer is on admin leave. Often it sounds like this is because they are investigating what ever it was that went on. The assumption by many is that this implies that the officer did something wrong. Admin leave is needed by these officers to help them recover from the trauma of what they had to do. Yes, the department does investigate all officer involved shootings.
The deputies are human and having to discharge their gun or being shot at still effects them the way it would anyone else. Their training helps them weigh their response and take appropriate action. It does not somehow immunize them against being human. I could go on forever about how TV shows and the media have vilified law enforcement and in doing so have hurt society. There are bad cops...just like there are bad doctors, or bad electricians. Despite what media shows, the overwhelming number of police officers, sheriff deputies, highway patrolmen are honorable people. Teaching your child to respect law enforcement is one of the best things you can do for them. If a child gets lost finding a police officer is a safe thing. If you are pulled over by the police they are pulling you over because they are worried about safety, not because they are "out to get you". A big hint here parents...they do have some power. Speaking politely to an officer is always a good idea. Also...never run from the police. They will catch you and their adrenalin will be high and they will be angry for having to chase you!You may get hurt.
Ok, that is why I called this my "ramblings".
Back to Kent State. When I was in school the image of the incident put in my head by my teachers was one of peaceful students just standing around and singing. They put daisies into gun barrels and just wanted all of us to love one another. The guardsmen were portrayed as poorly trained people who were pretty much just looking for a reason to shoot some of these beautiful, peace loving students. I was not told about the riots. I did not think about the fact these guardsmen would have to live with what happened. I wonder what happened to them. Did they, did their families survive this tragedy? How did it change them and those who loved them? Did those who knew them give them the support they deserved and needed? Not because what happened was right, but because they were human beings. Can you see how many more victims there really are to morn here?
So...that will be my prayer for tonight. May peace be with them all.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Hummm...my first blog. I would love to write something so interesting that everyone who reads it would immediately click the follow button, but if I wait till such a fascinating idea comes to my mind I will never start so...here is ramble #1.
I am going on 52 years old and I am happily married with two children. The kids are not really kids anymore. My son is 23 yrs old and my daughter is 20 years old. I do work that I enjoy, I have a few good friends and I believe I am in the process of adding several more to that list. I appreciate the life I have. We are not wealthy, but we have what we need.
All of this does not mean that life does not offer challenges. I am challenged daily. I am grateful when I can meet the challenges and humbled when I cannot.
The challenge that is constant and I feel is most important for me to successfully meet is the challenge of remembering that my job as a parent is to help my children become independent adults.
My mom passed away in 1991. My father had died when I was two years old and while my mom remarried several times SHE was always our rock. Since she died when my oldest child was not yet 5 years old I missed out on much of the wisdom I am sure she could have shared with me. But one of the first things she told me when my kids were born was, "hold them close, but remember they are only on loan to you". She stressed that my job as a mother is to constantly "let go" to let them grow to feel capable and to help them learn to be independent.
We had the kids baptized about a month before my mom died. Stu was already 4 1/2 years old and Liz was about 18 mos old. I remember standing there in church with my husband, my mother, and much of my family. As I watched and participated in the sacrament I felt the real meaning of what my mother had said. As we stood there and acknowledged that our children were "children of God", I realized that they truly do belong to God. I have been honored with the joy of raising and guiding them, but they are God's children.
I felt it then. I feel it now.
My daughter just left to go back to school in Southern California after having been home on break for a week. This is the first summer she will not be living at home as she has found a wonderful (paid!) internship in another city for this summer. I suspect we will not have her living back at home for more than a week or two at a time again. So, I face the challenge of ... letting go... appreciating what a wonderfully independent young woman she has become...and trusting God.
My son has announced his engagement to a lovely girl...yet another challenge of letting go...appreciating that his open heart has allowed him to find a love outside of what was our family. ...trusting God...and being grateful that our family is growing by the addition of his lovely Hayley.
It has been said that God will not give you more than you can handle. I have often mused that by giving me such easy, loving children that God kept it simple for me. Now I see what it is that I have been given to "handle", that is the letting go. I pray that I can do so fully enough, lovingly, and with trust in their readiness for independence. I know that anywhere they go...our love...and God will be with them.
I am going on 52 years old and I am happily married with two children. The kids are not really kids anymore. My son is 23 yrs old and my daughter is 20 years old. I do work that I enjoy, I have a few good friends and I believe I am in the process of adding several more to that list. I appreciate the life I have. We are not wealthy, but we have what we need.
All of this does not mean that life does not offer challenges. I am challenged daily. I am grateful when I can meet the challenges and humbled when I cannot.
The challenge that is constant and I feel is most important for me to successfully meet is the challenge of remembering that my job as a parent is to help my children become independent adults.
My mom passed away in 1991. My father had died when I was two years old and while my mom remarried several times SHE was always our rock. Since she died when my oldest child was not yet 5 years old I missed out on much of the wisdom I am sure she could have shared with me. But one of the first things she told me when my kids were born was, "hold them close, but remember they are only on loan to you". She stressed that my job as a mother is to constantly "let go" to let them grow to feel capable and to help them learn to be independent.
We had the kids baptized about a month before my mom died. Stu was already 4 1/2 years old and Liz was about 18 mos old. I remember standing there in church with my husband, my mother, and much of my family. As I watched and participated in the sacrament I felt the real meaning of what my mother had said. As we stood there and acknowledged that our children were "children of God", I realized that they truly do belong to God. I have been honored with the joy of raising and guiding them, but they are God's children.
I felt it then. I feel it now.
My daughter just left to go back to school in Southern California after having been home on break for a week. This is the first summer she will not be living at home as she has found a wonderful (paid!) internship in another city for this summer. I suspect we will not have her living back at home for more than a week or two at a time again. So, I face the challenge of ... letting go... appreciating what a wonderfully independent young woman she has become...and trusting God.
My son has announced his engagement to a lovely girl...yet another challenge of letting go...appreciating that his open heart has allowed him to find a love outside of what was our family. ...trusting God...and being grateful that our family is growing by the addition of his lovely Hayley.
It has been said that God will not give you more than you can handle. I have often mused that by giving me such easy, loving children that God kept it simple for me. Now I see what it is that I have been given to "handle", that is the letting go. I pray that I can do so fully enough, lovingly, and with trust in their readiness for independence. I know that anywhere they go...our love...and God will be with them.
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