The Family

I belong to the France Family.
I belong to a big, beautiful, loving family.
To tell you much about them I would really need a full book not just a blog page.
The family, above all else, is about unconditional love.
It is about wanting to genuinely know what each of us have been doing in our lives, what has made us feel happy, what are the challenges we face, and can we help by sharing a burden.
It is about hugs...lots and lots of hugs.
A family reunion took place this last weekend. There were 8 uncles and aunts, 19 first cousins and their spouses, kids, and grand kids.There was food, lots and lots of food. There was laughter, there were tears.
There were little kittens to pet, tractors to drive, motorbikes to ride, swings to play in, badminton birds to hit , tether balls to swat, bird feeders full of birds to watch, goats to milk, bikes to ride, fires to sit around, beers to drink, cigars to smoke, mountains and prairie to marvel over, dogs to scratch, and dirt to play in. There was even more food. There were lots of conversations.
I occasionally took a break from the hugs, eating, and conversation to enjoy standing back and just taking in what was before me. My family.The voices and the faces of my family.

We talked about living, dying, and everything in between.

Over the next few days I will probably blog about a few of these conversations. Some of them were big and important and some were small but just as important. All of them highlighted how connected we all are to each other.

The conversation that comes first to mind is about my Aunt Helen. She was on everyone's mind much of the reunion due partly to the fact that she was the only living family member of that generation to not be in attendance at the reunion. She may not have been there physically, but she was fully there in spirit.
Linda, my cousin, is Aunt Helen's daughter. Linda, her husband, her children, and grand children, carried Aunt Helen with them to the reunion in their hearts. Aunt Helen has stage four Parkinson's disease and is now living in a care home. Her body is failing her. Her spirit is not. Linda told me that even with the suffering her mom is content. Linda related that her mom had taught her how to live in grace and dignity and is now teaching her how to die with grace and dignity.
Aunt Helen was an educator. She was once a teacher and a school principal. She had taught advanced mathematics and chemistry.
Her mind no longer lets her access that knowledge. Much of what she has learned and known is no longer accessible to her. That is...the things she knew with her mind.
The things she learned and knows in her heart, those she still recalls with remarkable clarity. She is left with the ability to recall scripture. When Linda reads part of a passage to her Aunt Helen is able to finish it. Linda will sit and play a part of a hymn and Aunt Helen will "play name that tune". She not only recalls the title of the hymn but all of the words.
Linda carried reminders to us of Aunt Helen's memories of each of us. She brought reminders of how we are still loved by our Aunt. She shared stories of our connections to Aunt Helen with her grandchildren. I recalled the marriage advice Aunt Helen had given me. That advice was that, 'There is no greater gift than a loving wife, no greater curse than a nagging one". There has not been a month to pass of my 30 years of marriage when I have not thought about that advice. Has that 1/2 joking bit of advice changed my marriage? I know it has. My husband probably has no idea how much influence my aunt has had on our marriage. As I get older I like to think I am becoming more of a gift and less of a curse.
Aunt Helen was very much present at the reunion.

So much of who I am comes from this place...this family. The strings may have gotten long but the ties are still incredibly strong. Each of us so very different, and yet so very much alike. It is that "root" thing. As we get older we seem to have more "surface roots".  The fundamental truths of our family have become more apparent.
This is where my peace of heart lives, in these truths and in this family.

Hummm...my first blog. I would love to write something so interesting that everyone who reads it would immediately click the follow button, but if I wait till such a fascinating idea comes to my mind I will never start so...here is ramble #1.
I am going on 52 years old and I am happily married with two children. The kids are not really kids anymore. My son is 23 yrs old and my daughter is 20 years old. I do work that I enjoy, I have a few good friends and I believe I am in the process of adding several more to that list. I appreciate the life I have. We are not wealthy, but we have what we need.

All of this does not mean that life does not offer challenges. I am challenged daily. I am grateful when I can meet the challenges and humbled when I cannot.
The challenge that is constant and I feel is most important for me to successfully meet is the challenge of remembering that my job as a parent is to help my children become independent adults.

My mom passed away in 1991. My father had died when I was two years old and while my mom remarried several times SHE was always our rock. Since she died when my oldest child was not yet 5 years old I missed out on much of the wisdom I am sure she could have shared with me. But one of the first things she told me when my kids were born was, "hold them close, but remember they are only on loan to you". She stressed that my job as a mother is to constantly "let go" to let them grow to feel capable and to help them learn to be independent.

We had the kids baptized about a month before my mom died. Stu was already 4 1/2 years old and Liz was about 18 mos old. I remember standing there in church with my husband, my mother, and much of my family. As I watched and participated in the sacrament I felt the real meaning of what my mother had said. As we stood there and acknowledged that our children were "children of God", I realized that they truly do belong to God. I have been honored with the joy of raising and guiding them, but they are God's children.
I felt it then. I feel it now.

My daughter just left to go back to school in Southern California after having been home on break for a week. This is the first summer she will not be living at home as she has found a wonderful (paid!) internship in another city for this summer. I suspect we will not have her living back at home for more than a week or two at a time again. So, I face the challenge of ... letting go... appreciating what a wonderfully independent young woman she has become...and trusting God.
My son has announced his engagement to a lovely girl...yet another challenge of letting go...appreciating that his open heart has allowed him to find a love outside of what was our family. ...trusting God...and being grateful that our family is growing by the addition of his lovely Hayley.
It has been said that God will not give you more than you can handle. I have often mused that by giving me such easy, loving children that God kept it simple for me. Now I see what it is that I have been given to "handle", that is the letting go. I pray that I can do so fully enough, lovingly, and with trust in their readiness for independence. I know that anywhere they go...our love...and God will be with them.