Today my 20 years old daughter called with sad news. A dear friend lost his father today.
On the day of one of his sons' high school graduation, while at the graduation, he suffered a heart attack and died. He was a father, a husband, and a medical doctor.
My daughter's friend, Trevor, flew home from college, called a friend who lives in Sacramento, and got a ride home...to a home that will never be the same. I did not know his dad, I do not know his mother, or his brother but, I know him. I know he is a kind person, a goofy, fun-loving college kid, and a loyal good friend to my daughter. I know that much of the reason he is that person, the one that we respect and care about, is because of what his father gave to him. He gave him 1/2 of who he is genetically, much of who he is lovingly, and faithfully. He provided all he could educationally for his sons. They attended the best private catholic schools available.
We will do what we can for Trevor, which is painfully little.
I have to find a lesson in this. When I think of the suffering of this family and the pain they will be living with...I have to find a lesson or purpose or lose some of my faith. I do believe they will be reunited. Retaining my faith in God's promise of eternal life is not in question. Retaining the faith that this life has valuable purpose is what is shaken. What helps us maintain a feeling for purpose here...in this life?
For me...the number one thing...my children and my husband.
What I am going to do is, once again, reiterate to my children, and my husband, what meaning they bring to my life. I will remind them how much meaning and purpose they have given my life. I want them to know that when I die, I die having lived a wonderful life, full of their love, my family's love. My last thoughts will not be of any suffering or regret. My last thoughts will be of hope. With my last breath I will hope that they, and my grandchildren if there are any, will fill their lives with purpose. They they serve their family, and their friends. That they realize that the people around them matter, that serving them matters. That they keep the open hearts they have and accept the love that others offer to them. I will hope that they will strive to be the best people they can. I will hope that they develop and achieve dreams... That they learn some dreams are for the journey not for the accomplishment...That whatever they seek in life does not keep them from enjoying what they already have. This is the legacy I hope to leave...a family that understands faith, and the value of life, love, and hope.
I imagine that Trevor's dad's last thoughts were...perhaps a bittersweet pride, pain of knowing they will be separated from him for a while. But imagining his thoughts I feel just that ...hope. Hope that his family knows that they gave his life meaning. They made his life matter. Hope for their futures.
Prayers for tonight...for families everywhere...especially those separated by death. May they find and know in their hearts the meaning and purpose they bring and have brought to those who care about them.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Making New Friends
Last night I had so much fun!
A friend I was blessed with meeting through my work recently invited my husband and myself into her circle of friends. Last night some of those friends, one of the most gracious families I have ever met, opened their home for a potluck dinner party to celebrate the birthdays of two friends. My husband and I attended and had such a nice time there.
I have never met a group so open, caring, and generous hearted as this group.
First I met the women
This group of women that I now have been lucky enough to become a part of, get together on a regular basis to share their lives and to just enjoy each other. It is a rare group. We are all happily married and without fail all appreciate the love our husbands give us. Some of the women are young newlyweds, some young with small children, some are grandmothers, and I fall kind of somewhere in between. I have never met a better example of what it means to be Christian. Loving, open, non-judgmental are the best terms I can come up with to describe these new friends.
These women are smart, funny, and the most unpretentious lot I have ever met.
I do not attend the church that most of them attend and yet on Sunday's after church I will often meet up with a couple of the families at a fast food restaurant to spend an hour breaking bread with them. I watch their children play happily and enjoy... and appreciate the good active parenting they exemplify. It gives you the kind of peace that is never boring.
Just knowing people like this exist in the world makes it a better place to be. In addition to being kind, these women are intelligent, and active in life.
I think I had started to be a "side line sitter" in life. If I hang out with this group this will never happen!
A great thing happened last night. My husband met the husbands of this new group of friends and he enjoyed their company very much. I am so glad to see him fit in so easily and so well. The group of men, like their wives, are just as exceptionally open and likable (lovable) as their wives. You might think these men might be "wimpy guys" as many family guys are stereotyped. They are not, these are true men, the kind that stand up for their families. There is nothing "unmanly" about them. They are the type of men all parents would want their sons to become. They are strong, kind men, and without fail good husbands.
So, back to the great time I had last night. I enjoyed conversation with my new friends, watched charming, well behaved children play together, all while the family cat sat in my lap. It just doesn't get better than this! Of course there was the addition of great food...that is always the icing on the cake!
My prayer for tonight...Just gratitude. Thankfulness for all the gifts placed before me!
A friend I was blessed with meeting through my work recently invited my husband and myself into her circle of friends. Last night some of those friends, one of the most gracious families I have ever met, opened their home for a potluck dinner party to celebrate the birthdays of two friends. My husband and I attended and had such a nice time there.
I have never met a group so open, caring, and generous hearted as this group.
First I met the women
This group of women that I now have been lucky enough to become a part of, get together on a regular basis to share their lives and to just enjoy each other. It is a rare group. We are all happily married and without fail all appreciate the love our husbands give us. Some of the women are young newlyweds, some young with small children, some are grandmothers, and I fall kind of somewhere in between. I have never met a better example of what it means to be Christian. Loving, open, non-judgmental are the best terms I can come up with to describe these new friends.
These women are smart, funny, and the most unpretentious lot I have ever met.
I do not attend the church that most of them attend and yet on Sunday's after church I will often meet up with a couple of the families at a fast food restaurant to spend an hour breaking bread with them. I watch their children play happily and enjoy... and appreciate the good active parenting they exemplify. It gives you the kind of peace that is never boring.
Just knowing people like this exist in the world makes it a better place to be. In addition to being kind, these women are intelligent, and active in life.
I think I had started to be a "side line sitter" in life. If I hang out with this group this will never happen!
A great thing happened last night. My husband met the husbands of this new group of friends and he enjoyed their company very much. I am so glad to see him fit in so easily and so well. The group of men, like their wives, are just as exceptionally open and likable (lovable) as their wives. You might think these men might be "wimpy guys" as many family guys are stereotyped. They are not, these are true men, the kind that stand up for their families. There is nothing "unmanly" about them. They are the type of men all parents would want their sons to become. They are strong, kind men, and without fail good husbands.
So, back to the great time I had last night. I enjoyed conversation with my new friends, watched charming, well behaved children play together, all while the family cat sat in my lap. It just doesn't get better than this! Of course there was the addition of great food...that is always the icing on the cake!
My prayer for tonight...Just gratitude. Thankfulness for all the gifts placed before me!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
What is in my head tonight?
Tonight I am thinking about the 40th anniversary of the Kent State shootings. I just read an article about several things that were in the FBI report that had not previously been released.
There was some evidence that the riots from the previous days and the protest that day were better planned than originally thought. It reminded us that the guards were there because of the fact the rioters had set fire to the ROTC office there. More importantly there was some information that might make one believe that there may have been reason for belief on the part of some of the guardsmen that they had been fired upon first. I am thinking about how this incident effected not just the families of those who regrettably lost their lives, but also the lives of these guardsmen. I am sure that the guardsmen were there to protect property and maintain "the peace". I doubt that any of them had any idea of what that day would become. I suspect that their families expected them to come home the same people they were when they left home that morning. I am very sure that all of them were very changed by what occurred. They were not the same people when they went home.
I am a strong believer that none of us become who we are in a vacuum. I know many of my beliefs have been shaped by the fact I am in love with and have lived with a law enforcement officer for 29 years. Our wedding anniversary is in 5 days. I worked as a communications clerk/dispatcher for the sheriff's department for close to 5 years. This gives me an insight that might be different from another persons.
When a law enforcement person is killed in the line of duty I hear people say, "he knew the risks when he took the job". While this is true, officers do know the risks, this does not make what they go through or what their families go through any different from anyone else who suffers pain or loss. We are proud to love men/women that want to protect others from harm. In some ways it may make the loss even harder.
When the bad guys shoot at an officer just because he is wearing a badge they are shooting at a guy who is just doing his job. It is honorable work. He probably has a wife, children, and a dog that love him and expect him home at the end of his shift. He is trying to put a kid through college by working an extra shift, his car is in the shop for repair, and he may need to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home. They are people. The only real difference is that they are trained and sworn to protect others even at a cost to themselves.
Most officers believe they are helping society by protecting property and lives
When an officer has to take a life to protect himself or others he is not somehow protected from the pain of having to do so. After an officer involved shooting often you will hear that an officer is on admin leave. Often it sounds like this is because they are investigating what ever it was that went on. The assumption by many is that this implies that the officer did something wrong. Admin leave is needed by these officers to help them recover from the trauma of what they had to do. Yes, the department does investigate all officer involved shootings.
The deputies are human and having to discharge their gun or being shot at still effects them the way it would anyone else. Their training helps them weigh their response and take appropriate action. It does not somehow immunize them against being human. I could go on forever about how TV shows and the media have vilified law enforcement and in doing so have hurt society. There are bad cops...just like there are bad doctors, or bad electricians. Despite what media shows, the overwhelming number of police officers, sheriff deputies, highway patrolmen are honorable people. Teaching your child to respect law enforcement is one of the best things you can do for them. If a child gets lost finding a police officer is a safe thing. If you are pulled over by the police they are pulling you over because they are worried about safety, not because they are "out to get you". A big hint here parents...they do have some power. Speaking politely to an officer is always a good idea. Also...never run from the police. They will catch you and their adrenalin will be high and they will be angry for having to chase you!You may get hurt.
Ok, that is why I called this my "ramblings".
Back to Kent State. When I was in school the image of the incident put in my head by my teachers was one of peaceful students just standing around and singing. They put daisies into gun barrels and just wanted all of us to love one another. The guardsmen were portrayed as poorly trained people who were pretty much just looking for a reason to shoot some of these beautiful, peace loving students. I was not told about the riots. I did not think about the fact these guardsmen would have to live with what happened. I wonder what happened to them. Did they, did their families survive this tragedy? How did it change them and those who loved them? Did those who knew them give them the support they deserved and needed? Not because what happened was right, but because they were human beings. Can you see how many more victims there really are to morn here?
So...that will be my prayer for tonight. May peace be with them all.
There was some evidence that the riots from the previous days and the protest that day were better planned than originally thought. It reminded us that the guards were there because of the fact the rioters had set fire to the ROTC office there. More importantly there was some information that might make one believe that there may have been reason for belief on the part of some of the guardsmen that they had been fired upon first. I am thinking about how this incident effected not just the families of those who regrettably lost their lives, but also the lives of these guardsmen. I am sure that the guardsmen were there to protect property and maintain "the peace". I doubt that any of them had any idea of what that day would become. I suspect that their families expected them to come home the same people they were when they left home that morning. I am very sure that all of them were very changed by what occurred. They were not the same people when they went home.
I am a strong believer that none of us become who we are in a vacuum. I know many of my beliefs have been shaped by the fact I am in love with and have lived with a law enforcement officer for 29 years. Our wedding anniversary is in 5 days. I worked as a communications clerk/dispatcher for the sheriff's department for close to 5 years. This gives me an insight that might be different from another persons.
When a law enforcement person is killed in the line of duty I hear people say, "he knew the risks when he took the job". While this is true, officers do know the risks, this does not make what they go through or what their families go through any different from anyone else who suffers pain or loss. We are proud to love men/women that want to protect others from harm. In some ways it may make the loss even harder.
When the bad guys shoot at an officer just because he is wearing a badge they are shooting at a guy who is just doing his job. It is honorable work. He probably has a wife, children, and a dog that love him and expect him home at the end of his shift. He is trying to put a kid through college by working an extra shift, his car is in the shop for repair, and he may need to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home. They are people. The only real difference is that they are trained and sworn to protect others even at a cost to themselves.
Most officers believe they are helping society by protecting property and lives
When an officer has to take a life to protect himself or others he is not somehow protected from the pain of having to do so. After an officer involved shooting often you will hear that an officer is on admin leave. Often it sounds like this is because they are investigating what ever it was that went on. The assumption by many is that this implies that the officer did something wrong. Admin leave is needed by these officers to help them recover from the trauma of what they had to do. Yes, the department does investigate all officer involved shootings.
The deputies are human and having to discharge their gun or being shot at still effects them the way it would anyone else. Their training helps them weigh their response and take appropriate action. It does not somehow immunize them against being human. I could go on forever about how TV shows and the media have vilified law enforcement and in doing so have hurt society. There are bad cops...just like there are bad doctors, or bad electricians. Despite what media shows, the overwhelming number of police officers, sheriff deputies, highway patrolmen are honorable people. Teaching your child to respect law enforcement is one of the best things you can do for them. If a child gets lost finding a police officer is a safe thing. If you are pulled over by the police they are pulling you over because they are worried about safety, not because they are "out to get you". A big hint here parents...they do have some power. Speaking politely to an officer is always a good idea. Also...never run from the police. They will catch you and their adrenalin will be high and they will be angry for having to chase you!You may get hurt.
Ok, that is why I called this my "ramblings".
Back to Kent State. When I was in school the image of the incident put in my head by my teachers was one of peaceful students just standing around and singing. They put daisies into gun barrels and just wanted all of us to love one another. The guardsmen were portrayed as poorly trained people who were pretty much just looking for a reason to shoot some of these beautiful, peace loving students. I was not told about the riots. I did not think about the fact these guardsmen would have to live with what happened. I wonder what happened to them. Did they, did their families survive this tragedy? How did it change them and those who loved them? Did those who knew them give them the support they deserved and needed? Not because what happened was right, but because they were human beings. Can you see how many more victims there really are to morn here?
So...that will be my prayer for tonight. May peace be with them all.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Hummm...my first blog. I would love to write something so interesting that everyone who reads it would immediately click the follow button, but if I wait till such a fascinating idea comes to my mind I will never start so...here is ramble #1.
I am going on 52 years old and I am happily married with two children. The kids are not really kids anymore. My son is 23 yrs old and my daughter is 20 years old. I do work that I enjoy, I have a few good friends and I believe I am in the process of adding several more to that list. I appreciate the life I have. We are not wealthy, but we have what we need.
All of this does not mean that life does not offer challenges. I am challenged daily. I am grateful when I can meet the challenges and humbled when I cannot.
The challenge that is constant and I feel is most important for me to successfully meet is the challenge of remembering that my job as a parent is to help my children become independent adults.
My mom passed away in 1991. My father had died when I was two years old and while my mom remarried several times SHE was always our rock. Since she died when my oldest child was not yet 5 years old I missed out on much of the wisdom I am sure she could have shared with me. But one of the first things she told me when my kids were born was, "hold them close, but remember they are only on loan to you". She stressed that my job as a mother is to constantly "let go" to let them grow to feel capable and to help them learn to be independent.
We had the kids baptized about a month before my mom died. Stu was already 4 1/2 years old and Liz was about 18 mos old. I remember standing there in church with my husband, my mother, and much of my family. As I watched and participated in the sacrament I felt the real meaning of what my mother had said. As we stood there and acknowledged that our children were "children of God", I realized that they truly do belong to God. I have been honored with the joy of raising and guiding them, but they are God's children.
I felt it then. I feel it now.
My daughter just left to go back to school in Southern California after having been home on break for a week. This is the first summer she will not be living at home as she has found a wonderful (paid!) internship in another city for this summer. I suspect we will not have her living back at home for more than a week or two at a time again. So, I face the challenge of ... letting go... appreciating what a wonderfully independent young woman she has become...and trusting God.
My son has announced his engagement to a lovely girl...yet another challenge of letting go...appreciating that his open heart has allowed him to find a love outside of what was our family. ...trusting God...and being grateful that our family is growing by the addition of his lovely Hayley.
It has been said that God will not give you more than you can handle. I have often mused that by giving me such easy, loving children that God kept it simple for me. Now I see what it is that I have been given to "handle", that is the letting go. I pray that I can do so fully enough, lovingly, and with trust in their readiness for independence. I know that anywhere they go...our love...and God will be with them.
I am going on 52 years old and I am happily married with two children. The kids are not really kids anymore. My son is 23 yrs old and my daughter is 20 years old. I do work that I enjoy, I have a few good friends and I believe I am in the process of adding several more to that list. I appreciate the life I have. We are not wealthy, but we have what we need.
All of this does not mean that life does not offer challenges. I am challenged daily. I am grateful when I can meet the challenges and humbled when I cannot.
The challenge that is constant and I feel is most important for me to successfully meet is the challenge of remembering that my job as a parent is to help my children become independent adults.
My mom passed away in 1991. My father had died when I was two years old and while my mom remarried several times SHE was always our rock. Since she died when my oldest child was not yet 5 years old I missed out on much of the wisdom I am sure she could have shared with me. But one of the first things she told me when my kids were born was, "hold them close, but remember they are only on loan to you". She stressed that my job as a mother is to constantly "let go" to let them grow to feel capable and to help them learn to be independent.
We had the kids baptized about a month before my mom died. Stu was already 4 1/2 years old and Liz was about 18 mos old. I remember standing there in church with my husband, my mother, and much of my family. As I watched and participated in the sacrament I felt the real meaning of what my mother had said. As we stood there and acknowledged that our children were "children of God", I realized that they truly do belong to God. I have been honored with the joy of raising and guiding them, but they are God's children.
I felt it then. I feel it now.
My daughter just left to go back to school in Southern California after having been home on break for a week. This is the first summer she will not be living at home as she has found a wonderful (paid!) internship in another city for this summer. I suspect we will not have her living back at home for more than a week or two at a time again. So, I face the challenge of ... letting go... appreciating what a wonderfully independent young woman she has become...and trusting God.
My son has announced his engagement to a lovely girl...yet another challenge of letting go...appreciating that his open heart has allowed him to find a love outside of what was our family. ...trusting God...and being grateful that our family is growing by the addition of his lovely Hayley.
It has been said that God will not give you more than you can handle. I have often mused that by giving me such easy, loving children that God kept it simple for me. Now I see what it is that I have been given to "handle", that is the letting go. I pray that I can do so fully enough, lovingly, and with trust in their readiness for independence. I know that anywhere they go...our love...and God will be with them.
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