Squirrel Chow

Ahh. Good morning! The birds are singing, the cat is purring, and I have just woken from a wonderful, peaceful nights sleep!  I have scrambled some eggs with veggies and relaxed with the result and a glass of OJ.  In a bit I will spend an hour dressing followed by a few hours out shopping alone, and then a few hours out shopping with a friend. I intend to clean out my messy car and do few other chores later today.
It is finally my weekend!

What a week that was.

Why do some weeks feel so much longer than others? Why is it the stressful weeks rather than the fun or peaceful weeks that feel so long?
Until last night my week had included only one good nights sleep out of five. I wasn't too busy, or uncomfortable, or particularly worried, I just couldn't get the bats to roost in the belfry.
I would  fall asleep only to wake about an hour and a half later. I would just lay there for hours hoping for sleep, then about an hour before I needed to get up for work, I would finally fall asleep. I claimed as much of the rest as I could by skipping part of the getting dressed part of my morning. I took a quick shower, threw on whatever clothes were the fastest to get into and headed out for a full day of work.
At work I felt unfocused, slow thinking, and somewhat depressed. I worried that I was so tired that I would not be able to function. So, I "pushed". "THE PUSH" is a survival tool, it isn't pretty. I chatter and laugh, I scramble, my thoughts bounce, I am overly sensitive to any perceived criticism, and there is no peace of mind. Top this off with hair that is not styled and I am wearing no makeup.
Feed me to the squirrels, I look like a nut.
There is no peace period...for me or my coworkers. Imagine four days like this in one week.
It was one of the long weeks.
A friend recommended drinking a beer or having a glass of wine before bed. As it happened the only decent nights sleep I had last week was when I took my allergy pills and then had a beer. That put me out. The next day I felt like I had gotten totally snockered the night before, pretty hungover. One of the nights I fell asleep at a reasonable hour then woke up an hour and a half later with the thought that a credit card I had been talked into getting at a retail shop had not yet come in the mail. After trying to go back to sleep for another hour I got up and called the credit card company at 1AM.
Just sayin'...feed me to the squirrels.
I will say the credit card company did answer and I was right the card was missing. I may have been nuts, but I was not wrong.
I am thinking that it is odd that I sleep well when I know that I do not have to get up at any particular time the next morning. So, when it is not really that important that I get sleep, I get it. When I know it is important I that I sleep well...I don't. What a crappy thing for my mind and body to do to me.
I do know what makes my insomnia worse and that is worrying about it. I know what makes it better and that is peace of mind. And I know where peace of mind comes from.
Today I will live in gratitude. I will go through this joyful day focused on being open and ready to receive peace.  If I surrender today, I will sleep tonight. "THE PUSH" ...well, it is not surrender it is self will, so it never works.
Squirrel chow...just sayin'...